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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29630967">I'll Never Love Again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosyk/pseuds/rosyk'>rosyk</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, One-Sided Relationship, Pain, Passion, Sad Bang Chan, Sad Ending, Trainee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:06:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,432</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29630967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosyk/pseuds/rosyk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bang Chan and you were a typical sweet couple until you noticed the fade of your relationship. What caused it? When did everything go wrong? You were usually the one who would try to fix everything. But even most grow tired, how could you not? As clingy and in love you are, after several months of a one-sided relationship with no affection, you confronted him. You have now realized all the mistakes and holes in your bond. Are you letting go with regrets or staying in with the risk of receiving pain?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan &amp; You, Bang Chan/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'll Never Love Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi! This might be too cringe hahaha... I'm new to all this fanfiction stuffs but I decided to post some. I always post ffs first at rosyk in Tumblr so if you love my ffs, I hope you follow and like my other profile as well. This is also inspired by the famous movie The Greatest Showman. Hope you enjoy~</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I just got off from practice which is why I am feeling so exhausted. Typically in times like this, the only cure would be you. But before all my thoughts turn to action, I stopped. For the very first time, I hesitated to look your way. I hesitated to approach you. Where did everything go wrong? We’ve been dating for several months but why can’t this pain inside me leave? It felt as if I was devoured by the numbness inside me and the thoughts rambling on and on inside my mind. We were supposed to be fine until the end, what happened to all that?</p><p>I know it was hard for you to let me move on from my past. I know it was hard for you to show me that I could love again. You made me feel as if after all the heartbreaks, you were finally the one. You made my day go brighter but now all I could see is the colors slowly fading. Were you tired of me when you said years ago that you wouldn’t? Were you annoyed when you said you would never be? Or were you falling out of love when you showed me the meaning of forever? I know feelings do change. <em>But since when were promises made to be broken?</em></p><hr/><p>It all started at the sidewalk in Cheonggyecheon Stream. I was crying, sitting at the stairs very late at night, feeling so heartbroken. And yes, that was the exact spot where you found me. You tried to cheer me up and I was very embarrassed because someone witnessed how vulnerable I am. Weeks later, we’ve been meeting in different places which I described as “creepy” and even labeled you as a stalker. You laughed it off and took the opportunity to ask whether I wanted to chill with you near the coffee shop. As unrealistic as it may seem, even after the harsh break-up I had faced, even after some guys tried to ask me out, you were the only one among them who made me want to love again. Perhaps, <em>I was too naive</em>.</p><hr/><p>And now here I am in front of your dorm. The rest of your members had gone out so I decided to continue my routine. I took a deep breath before entering your music studio/room. I saw you in your favorite chair, talking to someone on the phone. You seemed “happy”, happier than you could ever be with me. You were too caught up with the conversation that it took several minutes before you had noticed me. <em>Waiting was very much a pain pushed in</em>.</p><p>Your gaze met mine and as usual, I masked everything with a facade that everything is okay, when it clearly isn’t. I know you’re getting annoyed with me, though that isn’t the reason why we slowly drifted apart.</p><p>“Chan, I’m back!” I beamed a smile and you gave a slight nod in response. It was pretty much awkward as I sat on a different chair. This silence was the loudest thing I’ve ever heard.</p><p>“Why are you here again?” You wearily sighed and emphasized the last word in the sentence. I bit my lip trying to calm myself down as my throat dried. This is fine, I could get used to it and much better then.</p><p>“I was needing your comfort” I giggled in a low volume and fiddled with my fingers nervously as you gave me a silent treatment. My eyes roamed around the room and decided to talk it out.</p><p>“Was it Jeon Hana?”</p><p>Jeon Hana was the girl you’ve been working with your music lately. You’ve been on secret collaborations and projects with her. You described her as someone who could make you produce the right vibe and melody when I couldn’t. Someone who had the same passion and goal as yours, when I don’t.</p><hr/><p>It was starting to get late but you were finally done producing. You walked me back home looking forced to do so. We walked past the street and I decided to kill the tension.</p><p>“Oh, remember this place?” I tugged your black jacket and pointed at the stairs. I showed you an eye smile as your eyes look slightly surprised.</p><p>“Wasn’t this where we went on a little date?”</p><p>And that was it.</p><p>
  <em>We never went on a date here because you didn’t want to.</em>
</p><p>I lowered my head down, as I took a big deep breath before I continued walking and leaving you behind. I didn’t even look at you for a moment.</p><p>You tried to call my name and tried to approach me but stopped in your tracks once I turned and forced myself to stop crying. You hate to see me cry, after all.</p><p>“You’re tired of me aren’t you?” You were left surprised after those words left my lips. Even I, myself didn’t know I was capable of confronting you. Everything was just too much and I was on my limit.</p><p>“You like Hana, don’t you?” I slowly walked back to you and smiled a bit to at least lift myself. It was not effective as tears rolled down my cheeks.</p><p>“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t-“ I cut his sentence of as sudden realization hits me.</p><p>“Oh, of course, you don’t. You were just too absorbed with your music” I licked my lips trying to cool myself off as I continued speaking “You don’t love her but love the fact she gives you the right taste you need in that shitty passion of yours” I wasn’t stuttering but my tone raised as I gave up and showed you how vulnerable and weak I am once again. Everything was played like the past, except the part that it was now you who I was crying over.</p><p>“Everything was fine before. You made me hope for something I wasn’t supposed to feel but now you’ve broken it. I gave you my time and my trust but why does it turn out like this?” My voice was cracking but I wanted to speak up “Why did you make me hopelessly try to pull the one-sided us you made me feel? Was it because I was never good enough to catch up with you or maybe just your ambition being much stronger than me?” I waited for your response. Again, a silent treatment. You wanted to speak up as your breath shakily tried to pick up the right words. It started to rain heavily yet you haven’t still answered.</p><p>“Fuck, chan. I’m looking like a whole idiot here!” I screamed to fight the sound of the rain and made sure my words were heard. Tears non-stop came out in the least moment I would’ve wanted it to. “I shouldn’t have trusted you…”</p><p>“Yes, it was true I was annoyed with you.” Your sentence struck through me to the point I wanted to run away. “I was too caught up with the thoughts of me not being able to produce songs, unlike the past. I thought that maybe you weren’t the right girl who could show me the song I wanted to produce. But I loved you and had never thought of breaking up with you” your voice was shaky and that was when I knew it was a first to see you cry like this. It was a fucking painful view.</p><p>“But I love you, and that’s the problem” I halted for a second and continued</p><p>“You loved me, but I still do. You loved me but my love for you is stronger. You loved me, but there’s a limit, it expires” I looked at you in the eye and you did to me as well. You realized what I was about to say.</p><p>“Please don’t, I promise I’ll fix this..” you softly cried out while you held my hand, gently caressing it despite your shaking.</p><p>“We can’t be going on like this if I’m the only one trying to figure things out. We can’t if we have different goals set in life. We can’t if we had given up fighting an obstacle in our relationship. Maybe, this wasn’t just it. It wasn’t bound to happen. Maybe, it isn’t fate.”</p><p>I walked back to my house but made sure you know what I wanted to say beforehand.</p><p>“Thank you, Chan. I hope you find the one you’ve been looking for.”</p><p>“Thank you, take care” You mumbled as you held your hands and felt the guilt.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> <strong>And that was the last relationship I got myself into as I promised to never love again.</strong> </em>
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